Not Fantasy

Our camera took a little tumble during Joshua's week away in the Rockies, and apparently all it needed was a short roll from the bed to a carpet to turn the LCD screen into a Jackson Pollack. Sadness. It's currently off in the suburbs getting repaired, and in the meantime we've been just been using our phone cameras to capture Matilda's every move. Someday, she will wonder why whole weeks of her life, including holidays, were only photographed using hipstamatic. Is it necessary to make july 4th 2011 look like a moody summer day in the 1970s?

No. But maybe yes?

By the way, I'm having the worst time trying to make my photos bigger on this blog. I messed with the html to make this a 3 column layout a while ago, and now everything I upload is really small and I cannot figure out how to make it larger. I can google my way through a lot of things (recipes, online shopping, if it's likely that any of us have a rare disease) but now I think google wants me to host my pictures somewhere else besides Blogger? It led me to some message boards from 2009 that were very rude about the Blogger picture upload feature, but very out of date as to how to fix this. Not helpful. Can anyone tell me how to fix this?

Also, as I was typing that last sentence my computer completely froze, sad faces appeared on all my tabs (I am not making this up), and then everything crashed. So...small pictures it is!

Matilda update: in the last few weeks she's experienced the thrill of the kiddie pool, been to the splash park a few times and learned that she loves swings.

This picture is huge. What is going on here? It's also adorable.

We discovered on her first day at the park over the holiday weekend that she can sit up unassisted. It's been all downhill from there - literally, she'll sit happily for 10 minutes straight and then suddenly do a terrifying bobblehead move that lands her on her belly in less than a second. This girl has no fear and seems oblivious to pain; she'll look up and grin at us like that tumble was the highlight of her day, let's do it again guys! She grabs her feet, practices pushups, and would rather sleep on her belly for naps. My SIDS-averse, panicky little self can hardly stand this development - I have been a no bumpers, no blankets, no belly psycho for the first few months of her life. I'm slightly more fond of the way she sleeps on her side at night, one leg straight down, one pulled up towards her chest, hands clasped together right near her face. It's exactly, freakishly, limb for limb the way I sleep and it fascinates me to no end because it's another one of the odd curiosities of watching your genetics play around in someone else's body.

After weeks of Matilda reaching and swiping for our food, and weeks of bemoaning whether or not she was ready and how exactly we should go about it, we decided it was time for her to start solids. Ok, the bemoaning part was me. Joshua was all, whatever you want to do! I'll stand over here far away from the crazy lady who can't stop talking about baby food theories! I did manage to get a grip and realize I was overthinking the entire process (I'm not sure why this was the hill that my teeny tiny smidge of type A-ness chose to die on) and then I just smushed up avocado in some breastmilk and Matilda was absolutely thrilled by the whole thing.

And by 'just smushed up', I mean I went to Whole Foods to find the perfect organic avocado, also purchased the perfect organic sweet potato, spent a while debating which one to give her first, and then took a lot of pictures of Matilda playing with the stupid fruit/vegetable (fruitable!) before she ate it. I know...

On a non-baby related note, I haven't seen Harry Potter 7.2 yet. Or 7.1. Or 6. This is not because I don't adore Harry Potter. I do. I bought each of the books the day they came out and devoured them. I would tell Joshua in all seriousness that I was completely unavailable on a Harry Potter release day. After I finished The Deathly Hallows, I closed that huge book and cried because when I started reading the series I was a kid and suddenly it was over and Harry was all grown-up and so was I. I love those books; all the magic and whimsy and deep truths about everything from how much it sucks to be fifteen to how love and friendships are so intensely powerful. I love the entire, endlessly imaginative, courageous world that JK Rowling created in those books, and I hate that Harry's story is over. So while I think that the movies are surprisingly good and may have the most charmed and perfect casting of any book adaptation ever, I'm not ready to finish it all yet and I haven't been since I finished book seven. I'm waiting because I hate when something so utterly enjoyable really, truly ends. This is called denial, and I'm wallowing in it. And, (spoiler, look away) Fred. Fred! I have spent more time than I care to admit wondering why, of all the plucky heroes who could have been offed in the final pages, it had to be him. I feel like without Fred, George is aimlessly wandering through his post-battle for Hogwarts life and this saddens me immensely. Obviously, I'm not emotionally ready for the cinematic version.

Also, Joshua doesn't like Harry Potter.

He. Doesn't. Like. Harry!!!

I'll let that one sink in, and then I'll tell you that I'm holding out this thin shred of hope that he will suddenly see the light (lumos!), will read all seven books immediately, start a movie marathon with me, and let me cry on his shoulder when the last one ends. This is never going to happen because he, and I quote, "doesn't like fantasy."

Really, there are no words.

So. The end of Harry Potter reduces me to weepy sentimentality, Joshua apparently lacks a soul, our daughter eats organic avocadoes, and our camera remains captive in the suburbs. I've caught up on our life, and it's as messy and crazy and non-fantasy as ever.

Quite Long For a Post In Which I Say Very Little

I feel like I have only lame things to write after almost a month away from this space; just little odds and ends from our life. First of all, it pains me to report a disappointing update on the Glenn's Diner special I was raving about in this post. Joshua and I finally - after years of anticipation! - made it there at 4:45pm a few weeks ago for a late lunch/early dinner/how did you know we have a baby at home outing,and as it turns out the early bird special we have been blathering about all over town is not exactly as spectacular as we thought. It's not 'any fish any way', it's the fish they choose, their way. At a very reasonable price but still...I'm not sure how that all got twisted in our little minds, but for the record any fish any way would be a much better special and maybe someone should get on that.

Also for the record, Glenn's has this amazing brunch on the weekends and I really cannot recommend the make your own mimosa kits or the bloody marys enough. No, I did not get both, please reserve the judging of my character for another subject. Also my bloody mary came with a skewer of shrimp and that is pure lean protein for the baby.

You're welcome, Matilda.

Speaking of the baby, she will be five months old on July 1st. Five. It's staggering to think about. I know everyone says how fast their children grow up, and honestly before Matilda was born I was getting a little annoyed by often we heard it. But, but, it's the truest truth anyone has ever spoke to us about parenting. She was a wee sleepy newborn only five months ago, and now she rolls over, laughs, blows bubbles, is thisclose to sitting on her own, grabs all her toys, my hair, our clothes, likes to 'pet' the animals by ripping out their fur, yells, babbles, and even tried to help herself to a fistful of avocado salsa off my plate the other day. I stopped her pudgy fingers half a second before her first solid food ever would have consisted of a lot more garlic and cilantro than is generally recommended. She does something new almost every single day and it just GOES BY SO DAMN FAST. I love each new stage, and I know my mama life will be even more fulfilling as she grows up, but oh my heart, this child raising gig is bittersweet.

What else...Joshua is currently gone for the week on a business trip, and I completely hate living 'alone'. I'm not sure that's the right term when one remains responsible for a baby, a dog, two cats, and maintaining a functioning home, but the lack of intelligent conversation and surplus of poop that is mine alone to deal with is...unfortunate. Also unfortunate: discovering a flat tire as I was about to leave for work and our completely housebroken dog unexpectedly relieving his bladder on the bedroom floor the other morning. That was the bonus round, I think. Dear single parents and/or partners of those who travel frequently, I salute you. This sucks.

My lack of motivation by the time the day is over has led me to the most random post-baby-bedtime television viewing I can remember - the last few days have included Dr. Who, Freaks and Geeks, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, the strangely appealing yet demographically odd for me Men of a Certain Age, The Closer and an after-midnight viewing of Falling Skies, which I started only because I have this terrible weakness for post-apocalyptic dramas about the ragged human race banding together to fight the aliens/robots/whatever. (I also have a weakness for run-on sentences). I always like to imagine that if I was in a a similar situation, I would of course survive the initial attack and go on to be a gutsy heroine despite the fact that when Joshua is away I have to sleep with at least one light on.

Last bit of randomness...I gave away all our disposable diapers to my friend whose baby has slightly less meaty thighs than my own little cupcake. Matilda is 100% cloth diapered except for when the laundry is really running behind, and I hadn't needed a disposable for a few weeks so by the time I wanted to use one during a long laundry cycle this week, I realized it was shockingly inadequate for my very...adequate baby. Rather than risk creating even more laundry for my bodily-function-weary self, I decided to put her in this contraption instead.

That's a cloth diaper insert wrapped in some burp rags stuffed into the bloomers that came with one of her dresses, and it worked beautifully. Although please don't think that I'm not running out to Target this afternoon to get some back-up disposable diapers, because I sure am. I'm crazier than I expected about cloth, and part of me would like to just swing without a safety net on this (granola mama, where did you come from?!), but I don't even want to imagine the ways in which I could regret that 'decision'.

Now that I've wandered on to this subject (can you tell I'm desperately in need of more adult interaction?), I think I have to stop writing now before I sink into even less exciting topics. Joshua will be home tomorrow and as I'm sure you can tell, we are all thrilled and relieved and giddy with anticipation.

Responsible Parenting? Not Winning!

So this is my ever-more-lovely firstborn child:



And this is her best friend, our handsome pup Helo:



And this is a stock image of house keys, as I have seen a Lifetime movie or two in my day and don't want a photo of my own on here. So pretend these are my house keys:



And now guess which two out of the three things pictured above I took with me yesterday afternoon on a quick walk around the neighborhood. And which one I left behind.

Hint: the baby was Moby wrapped to my chest and the dog doesn't generally leave the condo unsupervised. So! After more than a year of successfully walking our city dog, which always requires multiple keys to get into gates, entryways, lobbies and apartment or condo doors, and after two months of obsessively checking the diaper bag, my jeans, my jackets, and any pockets on me to ensure I will be able to both lock and unlock my doors with a baby in tow - I suddenly lost my mind and just plowed out into the world without them.

I am definitely the girl whose keys are always 'missing'. I tend to throw them randomly into my bags and or a different pocket every time I go out. But I'm so used to this delightful habit of frantically searching for my cell phone, my keys, or my wallet that I always make a point to 're-find' them before I leave. I'm not sure how I failed this step, because I actually remember patting my jacket pocket on the way out the door and feeling remarkably confident my keys were there.

Anyways, I found myself locked outside our condo building in barely 40 degree weather with a rambunctious dog and a crabby baby who was due for both a diaper change and a feeding. Neat.

This really wasn't a dramatic lockout because we conveniently live across the street from Jessica and Jakob, who happened to be just walking out the door with their new puppy Marshall. After retracing my steps (because I was convinced I had dropped the keys and the idea that I left them sitting on the counter never once crossed my mind), I just plunked down at their place. Helo thought this was a surprise bonus round to our walk and Matilda spends almost as much time there as she does at our place, so those two just carried on as usual - he ran around in happy circles, she was quickly distracted from her crabbing by the riveting ceiling fan.

Joshua borrowed his coworkers car, drove into the city during rush hour, and let us back in to our place before Matilda blew through a diaper. Then, because Joshua's work life is a little intense these days, he drove back out to the burbs to work for a few more hours.

None of the really awful things that crossed my mind (the baby gets frostbite! my cell phone dies! it begins hailing!) came close to happening. It wasn't much more than an annoying hiccup in an otherwise very nice week. However it was quite the responsible parenting fail, and I felt terrible for inconveniencing Joshua and for allowing even the possibility of all those worst case scenarios (I thought up one where I didn't have my phone, no one was around,I had to feed the baby outside,she soaked through her outfit in the cold and Joshua found us huddled up by back gate sleeping under the dog at 10pm - dramatic!).

Then today I was holding Matilda while Marshall was visiting, and in all of his adorable gangly excitement, he nibbled at her hand with his sharp puppy teeth. She was absolutely fine, there wasn't even a dent on one of her pudgy fingers, and she hollered for a second and then promptly fell asleep. But this does make me the mother who locked herself out of the house with the baby (who could care less) and then less than 24 hours later, let her wittle sweetheart get snacked on by a poor puppy who certainly cannot be faulted for wanting to get as close as possible to all those delicious baby smells (and again, after her initial surprise, she could care less).

So despite my best efforts, everyone is surviving and thriving around here.

Forty

Forty weeks.

Nine (plus) months.

It's my due date.

Things I did today: woke up at 5am, obsessively checked the weather since we are about to have an epic blizzard, showered, did the dishes, 3 loads of laundry, scrubbed the kitchen, dusted, attempted to sew (but was thwarted by my machine and my lack of sewing knowledge, more to come on this later), took a brisk walk around the neighborhood, had lunch with Jessica, walked the dog, went to my 40 week midwife appointment, made a non-stress test appointment for tomorrow and updated my insurance info with the hospital, braved the craziness that is Target the day before an epic blizzard, walked the dog again, made myself dinner, and sat down on my exercise ball from Aldi birth ball to watch TV and blog.

Things I did not do today: go into labor.

I am currently 2cm dilated, almost completely effaced, and the baby's head is low and engaged. I have a "very favorable cervix" for a first time mom according to my midwife, which is now my second favorite pregnancy compliment - first is "you still don't look pregnant from behind". Obviously. (Pregnancy compliments are funny because really what control do you have over those things? Step away from the junk food and if your body still feels like making you look pregnant from behind, that's not going to be something you can change. But it still makes me feel all warm and skinny inside). Anyways, she felt confident I would not be back for a 41 week appointment and would have a baby at this time next week. To say that I feel pretty strongly about that myself would be an understatement.

So in the morning, I'll have the non-stress test and an amniotic fluid index to check to make sure baby girl is still living in a luxurious, well-oxygenated uterus (right above that favorable cervix. Literally...right above. So go on, baby. Head on out). As long as she is happy and snug medically speaking, we just keep waiting. Of course if she is anything like her father, she'll take her sweet, sweet time planning for departure while people around her start to go crazy with the slowness of it all. And when it comes to this baby, I am literally the person around her. Going crazy.

The one thing I am really happy about is that our daughter avoided being born on the same day as one of our 8 million friends and relatives who have mid to late January birthdays. I'm glad that she will have her own special February day to celebrate.

So to sum up: my day was incredibly busy yet did not include birthing a child. Tomorrow, tomorrow, you're only a day (2.5 hours actually) away. And yay for February. More updates to come.

No Sew Hair Bows

This post is going to end with these...

...but it's going to take a while to get there, and I know always skip to the photos, so please! Bear with me.


One of my goals for this new year is to spend less time reading blogs and books about crafty things, and spend more time actually learning how to do them myself. I used youtube videos to teach myself how to knit a few years ago, and literally three weeks after stocking up on needles and yarn and starting multiple scarf-related projects, I promptly broke my wrist snowboarding. Besides the fact that being down an appendage made my last semester of nursing school miserable, I wasn't really able to use my right hand until spring break. At that point, my knitting motivation was low.

Since then, I've picked up the knitting needles several times, finished a scarf or two, and even taught myself (youtube again!) how to make cables, knit in the round, and a few other little tricks. But inevitably I lose interest the minute the weather gets warm.

Somehow I decided this past year, after becoming immersed in the world of crafting blogs, that I needed to learn how to sew. Then my in-laws very generously got me a sewing machine for Christmas, and it sat unopened in the living room until I took it out of the box, became overwhelmed by it, and put it in the corner of the baby's room so I could watch cable and read more blogs without My Lack of Initiative staring me in the face.

Although I have a strange fear of craft stores (there are aisles of things that I cannot identify), and despite the fact that the owner's manual for my extremely basic sewing machine could have been written in Swahili for all I understood it, I am really excited to start sewing. So today I found myself in Joann's picking up all the supplies I need to make that happen.

I did not hyperventilate in the store, and I did come home with a huge bag full of sewing necessities. But I had also tossed in some sweet little hair clippys and a few rolls of $1 girly ribbon to our overflowing cart, so while I did not spend the afternoon threading bobbins (if that is what you do?) or figuring out what to do with a foot pedal, I did get all no-sew crafty.

I could not pass up these precious little ribbon rolls - not overwhelmingly pink, but all girl anyways.



Joshua's sister Heidi introduced us to this E-6000 crafting glue when she was making our baby girl adorable headbands for one of our baby showers.


And if by some chance our daughter has any hair to clip, we are prepared.


And...we've come full circle to the beginning of this super long-winded post, in which I did not actually sew or knit or do anything except glue. And even then, I think Jessica's clippys are cuter than mine - she made the one with the button.


After the super easy and satisfying cuteness of that quick project, what is still awaiting me tomorrow during playoff commercial breaks? And also distracting me from the realities of being 39 weeks pregnant with a hiccuping ninja who seems to be in no rush to make her debut? This baby...

Quiet

One of the things I really like about working the night shift are the quiet days I have before I work. Yes, I should sleep more. Over the past two years it's actually only gotten harder to take naps or sleep in so I'm really rested to stay up all night. But I have gotten better about accomplishing little odds and ends, hanging out on the couch and watching cable (because all those things are just so difficult). I have such a rough life.

I only have nine shifts before my due date, and only six of those are overnights. If I work two in a row, obviously I do manage to sleep in between, so I guess I have maybe two or three of these "rest" days left. I've spent this one doing my nails, writing thank you notes for baby girl presents, drinking my raspberry leaf uterus-strengthening tea (I have mixed feelings on this one), snuggling with my sweet animals, and hoping I just spontaneously go into labor and actually have no shifts left (it's looking unlikely).

I know I could be doing so many more productive things with my time. The obvious one being sleeping all day when I have to stay up all night. Actually, I am waiting for that nesting thing to happen - now that the baby's room is basically done and our hospital bags are as packed as possible, I'm just going to relax until I am suddenly hit by that crazy burst of energy (that everyone has promised me will happen) to do things like dust the blinds and scrub the kitchen floors. And if it doesn't happen...well, I think I can justify a few more days of guilt-free How I Met Your Mother marathons.

Our apartment is such a mess right now.

We've started to pack and the boxes have started to pile up in the dining room. We decided to put everything in the dining room in order to keep the rest of the house less cluttered, but it has had the unfortunate side effect of creating thrilling little obstacle courses, hiding spots, and ledges for the cats and the dog to really let loose with their predatory instincts. Our boxes have created a war zone of leaping, screeching, growling 'domestic' animals.

So that's fun.

We have only 16 days left until we move, and everyday I am more and more excited to get everything into the condo and kiss this tiny-closeted, narrow-bedroomed apartment goodbye. We have wonderful memories here, it has been a great space for us and our growing family, but I'm ready to have all my clothes in one room. And to start setting up the nursery. And just get settled before our world is totally rocked with the arrival of our daughter.

The move has made me realize that over the past 5+ years of apartment living, I have never really become a very organized person domestically. I have a hard time keeping the laundry baskets empty, the shoes put away, the mail filed, the clutter decluttered. I do not have any sort of cleaning schedule, or plan, and I regularly buy more cleaning products only to discover I've got triples of Windex or whatever. The pet hair can get the best of me, and I'll be the first to admit that if you want to hang out, I'm going to leave my dishes in the sink and run out to do something more fun. Which when we are talking about dishes, would be absolutely anything. But...

BUT. The thought of bringing a baby into the chaos that can be our home is really overwhelming to me. We aren't dirty (let's be clear, although we aren't winning any awards with that pet hair I mentioned), but we can both be lazy when it comes to keeping our home organized and efficient. That's fine for two adults, but less so for a sweet baby who needs a clean room, lots of extra (clean!) crib sheets, blankets, bibs, clothes, diapers, and so on. I know that old habits are hard to break, but I'm hoping the vast amount of storage space, the closets in every bedroom (imagine!), the in-unit laundry, and the overwhelming responsibility of MOTHERHOOD will motivate me to take better care of everything I am so lucky to have.

In the meantime, my dog just plowed my cat into the wall and then skidded his way from the dining room into the living room and slammed into the coffee table. My other cat just leapt onto my stomach in an attempt to show the baby how she really feels about her, and I can literally hear our downstairs neighbors grumbling about how loud we are.

These next 16 days cannot go by fast enough!

Hello, Internet. You missed me, right?

Well! This is the first post of my third blog. The first two fizzled out due to a total lack of riveting content, so I have done my best to make our lives more interesting over the past few years in order to have something to whine about on the internet.

Just kidding!

Hopefully, I will actually use this blog to keep our friends and family updated on our lives. We have decided to go all out this year in terms of making the leap to incredibly responsible adulthood, and I thought our loved ones might be interested in laughing at us supporting us as we experience the brand new challenges of homeownership and parenthood in the next few months.

We have a fairly busy schedule planned for now until the end of January, which includes but is not limited to: packing up our entire apartment and moving into our new condo when I'm six months pregnant, unpacking into a new place, the entire whirlwind of the winter holidays, and then birthing an actual human. I think it all sounds overwhelming, but they tell me that last one is a doozy.

After that, we don't plan on acquiring any new animals, homes, or children for quite a while.

We both plan to post on this blog (I will be as interested as anyone else to see if Joshua follows through on that), and we definitely plan on being very honest about all the challenges and joys we experience during this crazy period of transition. So do we advise moving 2 cats, a dog, 3,127 lbs of books and furniture a few weeks before Thanksgiving and 3 months before your first baby is due? We agree, it sounds like a terrible idea. Check this site soon for details.

It's good to be back, Internet!