Sugar and Spice

No, Matilda's birth story isn't finished yet. Partly because I am both a procrastinator and a perfectionist, and partly because I am on this incredibly demanding schedule called keeping a small human alive while remembering that I still need to eat. Also, I have not yet fully mastered activities that require two hands while breastfeeding Matilda, which means we do a lot of blog reading and very little writing. So in lieu of the lovely (really, it was lovely) story of our daughter's birth, let me distract you with photos of The Cute:



I was pretty convinced Matilda was actually going to be a boy. When the ultrasound tech announced without even a moment's hesitation that our baby was definitely a girl, I remember staring at the ceiling, distinctly not thinking about tiny painted toenails and over the top hairbows and all things sugar and spice. I was thinking about all the door slamming and foot stomping and screaming and whining and countless other horrifying things I did that traumatized my own mother. I went through a wicked Mean Girl phase. And even if boys are more prone to breaking things, including themselves, they don't terrify me (or Joshua) the way the thought of raising a daughter terrifies us. When I think about myself from the ages of oh, 11 to 18, the very last phrase that comes to mind is everything nice.

So this helps me deal:



How could something so small and so cute, wearing a TUTU, have scared us so much? Here, let's add our puppy to maximize the effect:



Those teeny tiny twinkletoes are definitely going to stomp their way away from me at some point. But not this week, or next month (maybe next year, but chances are good she'll end up tripping. And I will not laugh, because I am a good mother).

Ok, I'm definitely going to laugh at angry toddler Matilda.

But before that I will be savoring all these newborn moments, and baby pictures so adorable I find myself suddenly crying at a certain expression or silly position even after I've looked at them all thirty times. In a row. While pausing to look at Matilda herself in between. I can still imagine that little boy I thought we were having, but now I think of him as her someday little brother. Or maybe he will just live happily in my head while we add another girl to our family (someday. Not that soon, but not that far either. Like I said, birth was lovely!)



It's all been amazing, every tiring bit of the two and a half weeks we have spent getting to know our daughter. Now, I can't imagine not having a closetful of ruffled dresses and a drawerful of tiny socks with huge bows on the toes. When I finally got past my own past, and remembered all the things that come first (ballet class, saggy pink tights, pigtails) and everything that comes after (my wedding, my relationship with my mom, becoming a mother myself), I thought...we are so lucky to have a daughter. Life is just so full. And so much better with our little girl.

Matilda

Matilda Claire arrived one week ago today, on February 1 at 11:30pm weighing 7 lbs 8 oz and measuring 21 inches long. She was born at the height of the biggest blizzard of the year, the third worst snowstorm in Chicago history. A week later the city is still digging out from under all the snow, and I am watching our gorgeous daughter sleeping soundly on Joshua's chest.

Her birth was amazing, and her first week of life has been busy and has flown by incredibly quickly. I think Joshua and I have cried more than she has - not because we are tired or frustrated, but because she is so lovely and healthy and the experience of becoming parents is a kind of excruciating joy that can't be put into words.

I'm writing her birth story to share here and for her to have when she's old enough. I started it tonight hoping to be able to post it here on her one week birthday, but I should have known it's going to take me longer to write down everything I want to say about such a wonderful and transformative day.

Matilda may have been born in a frenzy of winter weather, but so far she is a dreamy, sleepy and calm baby. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and find her with laying in the co-sleeper with her eyes wide open, just staring and drinking in the little world of our bedroom. I know this newborn phase will be over soon and I am trying to soak up every second of her little life so far. She is by far the greatest gift that I have ever been given, and I'm still in awe of that fact that she is finally here, and real, and so beautiful that it hurts.

Forty

Forty weeks.

Nine (plus) months.

It's my due date.

Things I did today: woke up at 5am, obsessively checked the weather since we are about to have an epic blizzard, showered, did the dishes, 3 loads of laundry, scrubbed the kitchen, dusted, attempted to sew (but was thwarted by my machine and my lack of sewing knowledge, more to come on this later), took a brisk walk around the neighborhood, had lunch with Jessica, walked the dog, went to my 40 week midwife appointment, made a non-stress test appointment for tomorrow and updated my insurance info with the hospital, braved the craziness that is Target the day before an epic blizzard, walked the dog again, made myself dinner, and sat down on my exercise ball from Aldi birth ball to watch TV and blog.

Things I did not do today: go into labor.

I am currently 2cm dilated, almost completely effaced, and the baby's head is low and engaged. I have a "very favorable cervix" for a first time mom according to my midwife, which is now my second favorite pregnancy compliment - first is "you still don't look pregnant from behind". Obviously. (Pregnancy compliments are funny because really what control do you have over those things? Step away from the junk food and if your body still feels like making you look pregnant from behind, that's not going to be something you can change. But it still makes me feel all warm and skinny inside). Anyways, she felt confident I would not be back for a 41 week appointment and would have a baby at this time next week. To say that I feel pretty strongly about that myself would be an understatement.

So in the morning, I'll have the non-stress test and an amniotic fluid index to check to make sure baby girl is still living in a luxurious, well-oxygenated uterus (right above that favorable cervix. Literally...right above. So go on, baby. Head on out). As long as she is happy and snug medically speaking, we just keep waiting. Of course if she is anything like her father, she'll take her sweet, sweet time planning for departure while people around her start to go crazy with the slowness of it all. And when it comes to this baby, I am literally the person around her. Going crazy.

The one thing I am really happy about is that our daughter avoided being born on the same day as one of our 8 million friends and relatives who have mid to late January birthdays. I'm glad that she will have her own special February day to celebrate.

So to sum up: my day was incredibly busy yet did not include birthing a child. Tomorrow, tomorrow, you're only a day (2.5 hours actually) away. And yay for February. More updates to come.

No Sew Hair Bows

This post is going to end with these...

...but it's going to take a while to get there, and I know always skip to the photos, so please! Bear with me.


One of my goals for this new year is to spend less time reading blogs and books about crafty things, and spend more time actually learning how to do them myself. I used youtube videos to teach myself how to knit a few years ago, and literally three weeks after stocking up on needles and yarn and starting multiple scarf-related projects, I promptly broke my wrist snowboarding. Besides the fact that being down an appendage made my last semester of nursing school miserable, I wasn't really able to use my right hand until spring break. At that point, my knitting motivation was low.

Since then, I've picked up the knitting needles several times, finished a scarf or two, and even taught myself (youtube again!) how to make cables, knit in the round, and a few other little tricks. But inevitably I lose interest the minute the weather gets warm.

Somehow I decided this past year, after becoming immersed in the world of crafting blogs, that I needed to learn how to sew. Then my in-laws very generously got me a sewing machine for Christmas, and it sat unopened in the living room until I took it out of the box, became overwhelmed by it, and put it in the corner of the baby's room so I could watch cable and read more blogs without My Lack of Initiative staring me in the face.

Although I have a strange fear of craft stores (there are aisles of things that I cannot identify), and despite the fact that the owner's manual for my extremely basic sewing machine could have been written in Swahili for all I understood it, I am really excited to start sewing. So today I found myself in Joann's picking up all the supplies I need to make that happen.

I did not hyperventilate in the store, and I did come home with a huge bag full of sewing necessities. But I had also tossed in some sweet little hair clippys and a few rolls of $1 girly ribbon to our overflowing cart, so while I did not spend the afternoon threading bobbins (if that is what you do?) or figuring out what to do with a foot pedal, I did get all no-sew crafty.

I could not pass up these precious little ribbon rolls - not overwhelmingly pink, but all girl anyways.



Joshua's sister Heidi introduced us to this E-6000 crafting glue when she was making our baby girl adorable headbands for one of our baby showers.


And if by some chance our daughter has any hair to clip, we are prepared.


And...we've come full circle to the beginning of this super long-winded post, in which I did not actually sew or knit or do anything except glue. And even then, I think Jessica's clippys are cuter than mine - she made the one with the button.


After the super easy and satisfying cuteness of that quick project, what is still awaiting me tomorrow during playoff commercial breaks? And also distracting me from the realities of being 39 weeks pregnant with a hiccuping ninja who seems to be in no rush to make her debut? This baby...

sugar and spice

With all the craziness of moving, working, the holidays, parties, Christmas shopping, and so on, I don't think we have really wrapped our mind around the idea that our baby girl is going to be here in a month and a half. While I am ready to say goodbye to my new friend acid reflux, and momentarily losing my breath everytime I put on or take my shoes off, I still can't believe how fast the time is going. A month and a half ago seems like yesterday, so really I think we are going to blink and wonder how it's possible that we now have a screaming human on our hands.But just because the time is flying and we have packed schedules doesn't mean we aren't getting ready for her arrival. Between an overabundance of baby showers (seriously, this girl is spoiled), and our own excitement to research and pick out the very best baby products, her room and her 'stuff' is gradually starting to come together.
Last night Joshua and Jakob built the crib, and by next week we will have her changing table. Her room has been used as a storage area since we moved in, and the huge bookshelf that is currently housing overflow decorations and a flatscreen TV needs to go somewhere else. The rapidly filling closet needs to be organized, her clothes need to be washed, and we are missing a few significant odds and ends - the most important being that she currently has no place to sleep in our room when we come home. (But don't worry, this January baby's super swanky stroller is all assembled and ready to go...nowhere, if the weather is anywhere near as cold as it is now when she arrives).

I also have to confess that I am overwhelmed by all the pink that having a little girl apparently brings. Not that we haven't bought into it ourselves, with her tulip crib bedding, but I think this child owns approximately four things that don't fall somewhere on the rose-to-fuschia spectrum. Joshua and I were both pretty convinced this baby was going to be a boy, so I just keep thinking how hilarious it will be if the little karate kid we keep calling she turns out to actually be a he. I think its unlikely after two very convincing ultrasounds but of course, everyone knows someone who knows someone who had a teeny weinie surprise at the birth.

I happen to think Joshua looks great in the one pink dress shirt that he owns, but I am pretty sure I'd feel funny bringing home a boy and sticking him straight into this crib. Only (a very short amount of) time left until we meet our baby daughter - who is hopefully just as sweet and girly and happy to wear pink as everyone else is to gift it to her in any way possible!