Sugar and Spice

No, Matilda's birth story isn't finished yet. Partly because I am both a procrastinator and a perfectionist, and partly because I am on this incredibly demanding schedule called keeping a small human alive while remembering that I still need to eat. Also, I have not yet fully mastered activities that require two hands while breastfeeding Matilda, which means we do a lot of blog reading and very little writing. So in lieu of the lovely (really, it was lovely) story of our daughter's birth, let me distract you with photos of The Cute:



I was pretty convinced Matilda was actually going to be a boy. When the ultrasound tech announced without even a moment's hesitation that our baby was definitely a girl, I remember staring at the ceiling, distinctly not thinking about tiny painted toenails and over the top hairbows and all things sugar and spice. I was thinking about all the door slamming and foot stomping and screaming and whining and countless other horrifying things I did that traumatized my own mother. I went through a wicked Mean Girl phase. And even if boys are more prone to breaking things, including themselves, they don't terrify me (or Joshua) the way the thought of raising a daughter terrifies us. When I think about myself from the ages of oh, 11 to 18, the very last phrase that comes to mind is everything nice.

So this helps me deal:



How could something so small and so cute, wearing a TUTU, have scared us so much? Here, let's add our puppy to maximize the effect:



Those teeny tiny twinkletoes are definitely going to stomp their way away from me at some point. But not this week, or next month (maybe next year, but chances are good she'll end up tripping. And I will not laugh, because I am a good mother).

Ok, I'm definitely going to laugh at angry toddler Matilda.

But before that I will be savoring all these newborn moments, and baby pictures so adorable I find myself suddenly crying at a certain expression or silly position even after I've looked at them all thirty times. In a row. While pausing to look at Matilda herself in between. I can still imagine that little boy I thought we were having, but now I think of him as her someday little brother. Or maybe he will just live happily in my head while we add another girl to our family (someday. Not that soon, but not that far either. Like I said, birth was lovely!)



It's all been amazing, every tiring bit of the two and a half weeks we have spent getting to know our daughter. Now, I can't imagine not having a closetful of ruffled dresses and a drawerful of tiny socks with huge bows on the toes. When I finally got past my own past, and remembered all the things that come first (ballet class, saggy pink tights, pigtails) and everything that comes after (my wedding, my relationship with my mom, becoming a mother myself), I thought...we are so lucky to have a daughter. Life is just so full. And so much better with our little girl.